


bloom later

by sabrinaspellmans



Category: SU - Fandom, Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hanahaki AU, lapidot with implied amedot, slight inaccuracies since this was written before can’t go back aired but lets just roll with it, tw for a brief blood mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 13:16:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14934987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabrinaspellmans/pseuds/sabrinaspellmans
Summary: In which Lapis is watching Peridot and Amethyst through a monitor on the moon base after she fled earth. [HANAHAKI DISEASE AU]





	bloom later

**Author's Note:**

> hanahaki disease - an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love.

 

The feeling first started as an itch in her throat; an ever-present discomfort that wouldn’t go away. At first, she tried to ignore it, but it soon began to grow increasingly painful the longer she stared at the screen. 

A hug. A dance. A first kiss. But it was not with her. 

The feeling welled up in her throat, threatening to bubble to the surface and spill out. Yet she did not look away. 

“I love you.”

The voice that spoke from the monitor that she stared so intently at was one that still felt like home to her, even now when she was so far away. It was a voice she had grown accustomed to, a voice of a friend, a voice of a gem that she had fallen in love with.

But then she left.

“I love you too, Peridot.”

Jealousy washed over her. The feeling in her throat burned hot, suffocating her. She coughed and coughed until tears formed in her eyes, but the feeling never went away.

Then came the first flower. Delicate yellow petals drifted to the steel floor, coated slightly in blood. 

Once it started, it wouldn’t stop. Like a floodgate that had burst open, more and more of the yellow flowers spilled out of her. They looked like sunflowers.

 _Those were Peridot’s favorite._  

Her chest tightened, and she could feel the roots and vines spreading and flowers blooming inside. She doubled over, heaving and vomiting the yellow flowers. 

“Thank you for being here for me. I... I really needed this.”

Waves of hurt and betrayal crashed over her. _How could she move on so quickly? How could she just forget about me, after everything we did together?_

And god, it hurt. She tried to resist, attempting to swallow the flowers down, but it felt too painful and raw in her throat. The blossoms had planted themselves inside of her, weighing her down. 

_I deserve this._

She gagged, clutching at her neck as the flowers crawled up her throat and then forced their way out. The flowers piled up around her, their vibrant color greatly contrasting the dull grey of the moon base floor.

Under different circumstances, she might have thought they were beautiful. Although she had once resented the earth, and still did in some ways, she had grown to love and appreciate all the beauty from which it blossomed. Ironically, the flowers that bloomed so painfully inside of her were practically identical to the ones that she and Peridot had planted just a few weeks before.

_Peridot would have loved these._

After living in the barn for many months, she had seen life grow and thrive on earth. It was like nothing she had seen before on Homeworld, where everything was standstill. Flowers, to her, were proof that the world around her can change and grow and that that’s _okay._ Nothing on earth ever stayed the same and she _loved it._ It had sparked a glimmer of hope inside of her: _maybe if the earth can change, so can I. Maybe I don’t have to feel trapped anymore. Maybe I don’t have to be alone._  

Admittedly, she could have never believed something like that had Peridot not been there. Trauma had left her pessimistic and always anxious for the worst to happen. She didn’t know how to heal on her own, but she had Peridot there every day to help her try to get better. 

But it was all different now. She had fled earth in a panic weeks ago, and the flowers that grew within her symbolized anything but life. It symbolized her pain and suffering; how she had let her fears get the best of her once more and how she pushed Peridot away and how all of it was _her fault._

Eventually, it stops. She heaves and coughs but no more flowers come out, yet the tension in her throat and the tightness in her chest remains. She doesn’t get her hopes up, though. She knows it’s only a matter of time before it starts again. She curls up into herself, bringing her knees to her chest. The cold, hard floor of the base offered no consolation, no relief from the pain she felt. 

 _I deserve this. I deserve this. I deserve this._ The thought repeated intrusively in her mind. 

_I pushed her away, and now she moved on. And there isn’t anyone to blame but myself._

At the end of the day, she found no solace in her situation. 

At the end of the day, she was alone.

At the end of the day, Peridot was in love with someone else.

Lapis could feel branches expanding in her lungs, leaving a sharp pain in her chest. Out of all the misery she had experienced in her life, none felt quite like this. She grabbed fistfuls of her hair, pulling at it and shaking and screaming as if it would make the pain go away. But it didn’t. 

She cried out Peridot’s name, her voice choked and hoarse, although she knew no one could hear her. She was over two hundred thousand miles away from her home; she was in hiding and alone, trapped in a hell that she had put herself in. 

_I’m so sorry, Peridot._

__

__

I’m sorry I didn’t let you be there for me. I know you only wanted to help.

I hope that, no matter what happens, you’re happy. Even if it isn’t with me.

_I love you, Peridot. I’m sorry._

The only comfort that night was found in unconsciousness. Although gems didn’t need to rest, Lapis found herself falling asleep, the sound of the live broadcast fading until it was just white noise.

She dreamt of Peridot and woke up covered in sunflowers. 

 


End file.
